I like to think I’m cool, but don’t we all? I go out feeling like I’m Beyoncé, and maybe some other people manage to pull off being Rihanna, but in reality I’m actually bleh. And don’t ask me what bleh means because I couldn’t give you a precise definition for the life of me. For this reason, I have come to the conclusion that there is this strange social law that has arrogantly filtered into our society that demands to be upheld. Article VI, paragraph 2 of the Social Constitution states and I quote “Always try to act cool, even if you aren’t, fake it till you make it.”
On that note, it is story time. I went out with a friend to meet up with the said friend’s friends that I had never met. I had a feeling it would be awkward because I seem to be an awkward situation magnet, but I still went. We got to the place, and lo and behold, it was another episode of “Chichi, The Queen of Awkwardness.” I know your curiosity is getting the better of you, but don’t worry, there is no need to beg, I will tell you the story exactly as it happened.
On this episode of “Chichi, The Queen of Awkwardness,” we witness the protagonist exude a mind-blowing amount of awkwardness as she is left alone by her social butterfly of a friend who had to talk to everyone while leaving her awkwardly vulnerable friend to fend for myself in a cruel dark world. Okay, it isn’t that serious but you get my point. Nevertheless, I self-consciously sit by myself in a corner, because I am horrendous at going out of my way to meet new people without being introduced; I’m also silently hoping that the Tyson Beckford look-alike whose eyes I occasionally caught would come over and talk to me, I mean I didn’t dress up for nothing.
Nevertheless, I imagined we’d have a conversation just like this
Tyson Beckford: Hi, my name is…, you seem quite bored, and I hope it wouldn’t be outlandish of me to talk to you.
Me: *insert coy smile here* Hey, not at all, my name is Chichi by the way
And we ride off into the sunset while drinking frappuccinos and planning our getaway to Barbados. Okay, that was a tad bit corny, but realistically, I would wait for Tyson Beckford to be alone because I suck at group conversations, and I would carry myself with as much confidence that I could possible muster up and walk up to him and say
Me: Hey *insert the slyest smile ever*, my name is Chichi
Tyson Beckford: Umm hey, my name is …
Not knowing what to say next, I come up with something unbelievable random, like this
Me: Do you know what rhymes with orange?
(Then Tyson Beckford would say something “like syringe, I don’t know” and laugh and I would laugh and say nothing at least not any single word, but door-hinge might work, and we’d have a wonderful conversation lined ahead but instead this happens)
Tyson Beckford: *appears utterly confused* I don’t know
Me: That is my lame attempt at a conversation starter
Tyson Beckford: okay *makes to leave*
And I just stare awkwardly in the distance. Leading me to my first point, that I’m not cool I’m just bleh.
However, in reality, none of these scenarios happened. I just dream them up while I wait for my friend to remember that she left me in a black hole of social suicide and eventually introduce me to some people who may think I’m cool *gasp*. Plus, I finally find out Tyson Beckford’s real name, its Yemi.