Five Shades of Selfie: Life Lessons from Selfies

The baddy (O you think you’re the baddest?):

Long ago in a land far away, Doreen the hen was free to roam the grounds of her master’s farm. Doreen believed she was beautiful and wouldn’t let anyone forget it.

In other words, she would describe herself as “YASSSSSSSS! Baddest, girl you the baddest!”

Doreen lived by her life slogan. “I’m a bad bish, I do what I wanna do.” She literally let her crap drop on or before the other animals. Although the other animals were quite vocal about their annoyance with her behavior, Norman the cow constantly consumed her droppings and received nourishment.

If you haven’t noticed, Doreen is quite ratchet. Ciara got her thinking her body is a party, when she actually has a “meet-and-greet.”

Meanwhile, all the other animals were afraid of Rick the snake because of the air of danger that was synonymous with his presence, but not Doreen. Doreen’s inflated sense of supremacy aka “Bad bish behavior” ensured she gave Rick a daily dose of her crap. Rick remained calm, silently hoping that Doreen would get over herself because unknown to her, “She ain’t shit”. When it was evident that Doreen’s inflated sense of self was permanent, he ate her.

 Lessons:

• You can only shit on people for so long before getting hurt.
• Taking crap from people is not always a bad thing.
• Don’t take someone’s silence for weakness.

 The candid (Be true to yourself):

Poor Ms. Betty had an old gold box covered in dust and filth.

It was nasty.

She loved this box very much.

That’s bae though.

At the time of her death, she bequeathed this box with all its contents to her son. Mark never understood the value of his mother’s prized possession because to put it simply, it ain’t cute. Nevertheless, he appreciated this box because his mother loved it.

A time came when all his friends had vehicles (His friends be looking real gangsta with their new rides.) and though he didn’t want to sell the only thing his mother left him, he succumbed to pressure from his friends and sold this box for a fraction for the price because he never knew the true value of this box or what it held. Mark used the proceeds from the sales to buy a rickety vehicle.

Dan the goldsmith who bought the box, cleaned it to reveal its true beauty, only to open it and find a deed to a multimillion-dollar estate.

Dan stay chilling with that cute box.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Mark is fixing his rickety vehicle.

He struggling.

Lessons:

• When someone gives you something valuable don’t let it go to waste
• Never judge a book by its cover, you’ll never know when someone’s beauty will radiate from within
• Be true to yourself because living to please others will only leave you hurting yourself
• Because your friends don’t appreciate someone and treats the person like beans, doesn’t mean you should continue the trend

The smiley (This is pretty self-explanatory):

Johnny (Yemi Alade pun intended) the salesman and Frank the mailman were fond of visiting Karen’s house for their various business operations.

They be checking Karen out.

But Frank was slowly falling for Karen. Unfortunately, Karen could not differentiate between the fake “salesman” smile and the true loving smile of the mailman. The salesman was very vocal and expressive of the emotions that Karen wanted to see, while the mailman was shy and quietly smiled from a far when he delivered the mail. Karen chose the salesman’s romantic offer because like most people, she chose the more obvious gesture as the better one just because it got through to her where the mailman’s subtle indicators – those that are really true- were completely ignored.

She ain’t loyal.

After the salesman had successfully sold his product, he left with Karen’s heart in hand never to be seen again. In the absence of Johnny, Karen began to notice Frank, but Frank just could not stand the thought of being a rebound.

In Frank’s opinion, she went from thristtrap to ratchet.com real quick because he don’t want her no more.

Lesson:

• Not every friendly gesture is genuine, sometimes its selfish and destructive.
• Not everyone who gets your number is actually interested in you.
• The most vocal people are not always the most trustworthy; sometimes the shy ones are the nice ones.
• Don’t bypass anyone only to return if your first plans don’t go as scheduled. Nobody deserves being second choice.

The silly face (Sometimes it is okay to act a fool):

A clown, a politician and a beggar were tasked with making a child laugh. The politician conjures lies promising to fulfill all of the child’s fantasies. The child asks the politician to kindly buy him the toy in a store across the street. However, this simply feat the politician cannot defeat. Needless to say he failed.

In other words, the politician can make the child happy but he playin’.

The beggar pleaded with the child to smile but was only able to garner sympathy and tears from the child.

The beggar nicely asked, “Are you gonna smile or nah?” The child chose nah.

But the clown knew exactly what to do. Though being a clown wasn’t his first choice, he’s managed to get by. He fools around and gets the child to roll over in laughter.

The clown is the real MVP.

Lesson:

• Although you might not want to, sometimes it’s okay to act a fool.

The duck face (No introduction needed):

Just don’t do it. Its NOT cute.

STAAAPPPP! You rachet.

Here is a take on the characters behind selfies. If you don’t agree or have some concerns over it, you can contact me at pleaseproceedtosoak10cupsofgarri@theroad.com.

Jokes.

Giddy times,

Chichi!