The Thinker: Reflections on the single life

Pamela had never thought of her 23 years of life as pathetic, rather she found it interesting. A tale she could relay on a whim to arouse a good laugh. She was indeed humbled to be living this life, but why? Had she always been lucky in love, occasionally catching the glance of a stranger who found her attractive? She was many things,

but lucky wasn’t one of them.

Waiting for her flight back to Abuja, she felt a set of eyes peering at her; unable to resist the urge to determine if she’s right, she looks up to find a middle aged man- well-rounded in the stomach department- offering her a bar of chocolate. Some might see this as a random act of kindness, but Pamela didn’t. She found it strange. He tries to start a conversation to which she politely smiles. It becomes awkward and she decides to leave, however, those eyes never stopped following her. They stared with an intensity too unnerving to bear that is until his wife and children whisked him away. Relieved, she returns to her seat, excitedly texting her friends about her encounter, when stranger number 2 comes along.

He begins.

Stranger #2: Hello, is your name Tola.

Pamela:  No.

Stranger #2: Do you know a Tola

Pamela: No

Stranger #2: What’s your name

Pamela: Pamela

Stranger #2: Funmilola?

Pamela: No Pamela

Stranger #2: Funmilola?

Pamela: Yeah sure, whatever – she couldn’t be bothered

Stranger #2: Well, my name is Odun from Atlanta, I have two Master degrees and three undergraduate

degrees. You can tell people you know me.

Pamela: Yeah sure at this point she couldn’t contain her laughter as she let him brag about his achievements, completely ignoring him to reiterate her dilemma to her friends.

Its 6:15pm. Boarding has been announced. She absently listens to music while awaiting take off. No role models by J. Cole on repeat, until Stranger #3- a man in his thirties- leaves his seat to speak to Pamela.

Stranger #3: Please don’t be offended. I don’t mean to offend you, but please did you go to Ogbomosho

Grammar School.

Pamela: Shocked, confused, funny emotions ran amock. Obviously this has to be surreal, even if I did go to the said school, how would you know? You at least 15 years older than me. But she didn’t say that. She just said No.

She approaches immigration to receive her stamp of entry, while avoiding the gaze and wave of stranger #2 but was met with a quarry of questions. Where are you coming from? What did you do there? What is your address there? Phone number? The only problem with his line of questioning is that, it wasn’t a visa interview, plus nobody else was being asked questions. She tried to remain calm as the officer slid her his card. Hoping to get her passport back, she waited till she had received it before dropping his card on his table to leave.

Moral of the story? Pamela seems to attract only old men. Now the question is why? What happened to all the young, hardworking, God-fearing, intelligent thirst-traps in the world? Had they been culled? Are her standards too high? She was not about to be a cat-lady at 23. Or did she bring this upon herself?

Maybe Pamela just never knew when to say no. Maybe she just wouldn’t let go.

Fool me one time shame on you, fooled me two times, can’t put the blame on you…but were you really fooled?

Pamela was fond of holding herself back from enjoying the beauty of life. In other words, unsure of her future, believing her biological clock rapidly ticking away, she might never have found her perfect match. The older she gets, the more pressure she faces, she tries her hand at relationships with her supposed “ideal” men but they don’t work. She finds she’s in a relationship with herself.

Pamela has met him on various occasions in different forms. Today a musician, tomorrow an academic. Different people who she believes were her dream matches, justifying their flaws to coincide with her preferences. The problem with Pamela is, she didn’t know when to let go. The fact that she found someone attractive and a bit flirty equated in her mind that he is interested. She was their “phone girl.”

You know the girl that the guy tells he’s not ready to be in a relationship. When he should accurately say that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship with her, because she isn’t his girl. His dream. She’s his “phone girl” to pass time.

The girl he only communicates with through the phone (quite obvious), though he never calls, he’s apt at using iMessage, Whatsapp, Twitter DMs and the likes to facilitate conversations bordering on the superficial, constant flirting but no depth. Sentences punctuated with winks and sultry smiles. Although she wants to break the barrier, move up on his relationship status she can’t. Anxiously waiting for a reply. She’s trapped in a phone. Her relationship starts and ends with it.

Sidetrack: Pamela texts her friend

Pamela: You won’t believe it.

              I still don’t believe it.

             I’m freaking out.

            I’m so happy like OMG

Friend: What is it? You know how much I hate suspense.

Pamela: He finally asked me out on a date

            I know I’ve been asking him what we are and he always plays it off

           But I think he’s serious now

Friend: I’m smiling so hard right now

           I’m so happy for you

          I honestly didn’t expect it

Pamela: I’ll need your help getting ready on the 31st of February. He says its a surprise

Friend: Hold up, but February 31st doesn’t exist

In other words, she can’t be anything more than the “phone girl.” And just like that, when his data is used up or his wifi spent so is their relationship.

So why has Pamela settled for being a phone girl? Is she satisfied with having someone to talk to? Is she holding on to the unrealistic hope that he’d change his mind and realize she’s “the one”? Is she a hopeless romantic holding on to unrealistic fantasies?

Maybe she just needs time….

Time to realize that nothing is certain, not acceptance, not love.

But why won’t her dream men give her a chance?

A chance to become his “real girl”. His text her at 4am so she wakes up knowing he thought about her girl. His I know you’re sad so I wrote you a song even though I can’t sing girl. His I don’t care what people say because you’re really more than enough for me girl. His knowing she’s happy, he is happy girl. His you know real girl.

How will she make the transition? Will she make the transition?

Stay tuned for the next episode of Pamela: A girl on the phone

Giddy Times,

Chichi!